Cat Ate My Homework?


I leave papers on my desk to find them savagely shredded on the floor, the power cord to my laptop has teeth-marks in it and the toilet paper is in constant peril. I used to think that the most damage a cat could do was scratch-up the furniture, but the feline, known also as Agnes, continues to shock and surprise. It all started when I left the butter on the counter and later, found it covered with little tongue marks. We’ve started calling her Julia Child.

Since then, the wily beast has figured out that butter comes from the refrigerator and comes running every time the door opens. Howie doesn’t help matters. Nothing brings him more joy than trying to teach the cat to stand on her back legs. Which is just never going to happen. Cats don’t do anything on demand. They just don’t. But, that doesn’t stop him for tossing chunks of butter in the air.  He’s also developed the habit of collecting prosciutto fat, which she loves almost more than butter.

One special day, he brought home an osso bucco – not to eat, of course. It was for Julia. He has his co-workers from the culinary school saving scraps and bones for our carnivorous creature. The cat proceeded to drag the bone around the house, ate it clean and licked out all the marrow. For the next several days, she carried it around the house like a chew toy.

Lately, she’s been chewing up paper, as well as meat. Now, I also call her Pica, after the disease. Agnes Julia Pica is the official, full name and I’m starting to worry. I worry for saved receipts, beloved photographs, and also, my homework.  Saying a cat ate my homework isn’t going to go over well in graduate school, but its a distinct possibility.


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